A Cynic’s Thankful for Thanksgiving List

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I’ve compiled a list of things that I’m thankful for and that most of us pretty much always take for granted.

Do not expect warm fuzzies. I save those for my kid.

1. I’m thankful for my toilet. We literally piss away gallons of fresh clean water several times a day when there are people all around the world in need of potable water.

2. I’m thankful my daughter is an American. Even though women’s rights are still not where they should be in this country – I do not worry about my daughter being burned with acid, mutilated, married against her will, or if she will receive an education. She is safe and she will be given every opportunity to be happy.

3. I’m thankful for people who do shitty jobs that I don’t want to do. Thank you.

4. I’m thankful to be white. I’m not saying this to be racist, I’m saying this to be blunt. This country is blind if it thinks we do not still have a race problem. If I am pulled over, I know that it is because I was driving too fast…not because of my skin color. If my hypothetical unarmed son is ever out after dark, the cops might pull over and give him a ride…they will probably not shoot him. This is the truth. It is not right. And we should be aware.

5. I’m thankful that I can go to the doctor anytime I want. Hell, I can go to the drugstore to see a physician within ten minutes these days. I can even pay for it because of a fancy little thing called insurance. And you know what? My birth control is FREE. (If you want to call the premium that we pay every month free…but whatevs. That’s for another post, ya’ll.)

6. I’m thankful that I live in a country where I can say what I want and post whatever I want on the internet. I might lose a few Facebook friends but I will not be arrested, or exiled, or any of that jazz. People love to toss around that their freedom of speech is being challenged…but I double dog dare them to move to China.

7. I’m thankful for the copious amounts of food we eat during the holiday season. I love food, but we can get ridiculous… Don’t forget to donate to your local food pantry this holiday season.

8. I’m thankful for those who genuinely care for others; those who do their best to try and fix the endless problems of this wide world, no matter how small or large and overwhelming. (Didn’t see that coming, did you?)


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